Well this sucks. I never wanted cancer, but who does? For those that don't know already, surprise! I have cancer. Its sad, yea I know but please spare me the pity party. I have shed enough tears to solve the California drought. It is Breast Cancer by the way. Its ok, I will be ok. I have to be. I have two young kids and a kick ass husband. I didn't move to Longridge to kick the bucket and not send them to Dixie, right? Anyway back to me. I will be ok, and it was caught early. I will just have a long road ahead of me.
You ok? Are you breathing? It's cool, I get it. I didn't really breathe for a few days and sometimes I still forget to. Some of you are reading this and are like, what the fuck Jessie! Why didn't you call me? Well because its just too much to talk about. I am an open book as we know, but this is just too emotional to discuss and talk about face to face.
I love you- well most of you that is, and I just didn't have the energy to call and say “Hey, hows your kid? I have cancer.” So instead, I plan on chronicling this fucked up journey through the only outlet i can control…writing. I knew it would come in handy being a journalism major. Thanks mom and dad for paying for college!
Ok, so you want to know the story?
I felt a lump back in March. I ignored it and proceeded along with my life. I went to Vegas with Zack to see Guns N' Roses and had the best time. Once we got back, i realized that i needed to do something and saw my OB. After an exam, she decided that I needed a mammogram and an ultrasound. Well that was fun waiting for the results.
Then they came. I needed a biopsy. I prepared myself for the procedure, but of course i would have to wait a week. So in i went to my biopsy. Figuring it would be benign, I wasn't so worried. I would get the call the next day by 2:30. The tech said if she calls its good, if he calls its bad.
He called at 1:55. “I'm sorry to tell you Jessica, its cancer.” Um what? Did he just say CANCER? Yes, yes he did. Not only did he say cancer, but he said i would need a mastectomy and radiation. WTF. What the fuck. WHAT. THE. FUCK!
First thoughts through my brain: MY KIDS, ZACK, DEATH, DEFORMITY. FUCK. He walked me through it and told me what i needed to do. I need a breast MRI and i need it stat. Oh great, I'm claustrophobic. After catching my breath, it was time to go into warrior mode. I made my appointment and thankfully got in that Thursday.
I went for my MRI and wasn't prepared for what was next. The cancer was all over my left breast, not just the two spots we thought. Thank god I was checked when I did. I seriously thank god for this.
I already had calls into my oncologist- who would have thought that i would need to call in a favor for an oncologist appointment. I am so glad that we did. By the following week i had met with my breast surgeon, my oncologist and reconstruction doctor. Thankfully everyone told me the same good news, that i will be OK and live a long and happy life with awesome boobs at 70. The bad news is that I will need chemo and not radiation.
To wrap this long fucked up first post, I will tell you that I start my first chemo treatment on Thursday the 19th. I will be having 6 treatments over the next 18 weeks. Its going to suck ass but I plan on being the toughest, strongest and biggest warrior I can be. Not only does my family need me, but you do too. Who else will make you laugh during this little bump in my road?
Oh and get your boobs checked NOW ladies!!!!
xox,
Jessie