Today is not a good day, this recovery has been much harder than the last in terms of my energy level. I have none. The good news in this whole debacle, is that this is the last time GOD WILLING that I will ever feel this way again. I can honestly say being in pain from surgery sounds more appealing than dealing with a chemo coma.
Anyway, today is day 5 from my last and it’s the first time that I left the house. I took Asher to school and then hid in my bedroom for the remainder of the morning. The world was scary and dark to me today, mostly because I am kinda depressed. OK not kinda, really depressed. It is all par for the course really, I have chemo, sleep a few days, wake up depressed and lose my appetite. So predictable.
Speaking of appetite, we have a new constant in my life. Blueberry muffins. Since the beginning of treatment, well my life really, I have loved me a blueberry muffin. For some reason or another, every week I have a few (shhh) because that is what tastes good to me. It must be the abundantly sweet sugary flavor of the muffin that actually lets me taste it, but its pretty much all that sounds good. I wish I could live in a muffin. I don’t discriminate though, I will take a good chocolate muffin, pumpkin muffin, really anything saturated with carbs and sugar.
But since my day was going so shitty, I figured I would shower (it is hair washing day after all) and go to Coffee Bean. They have been my staple lately. A small tropical tea and a muffin. Well I was SO excited to taste my muffin and guess what, it was gross. Like a bad batch or something. Figures, why would anything be ok today?
So here I am waiting for my mom to come over and cheer me up and get me out of my funk. Mommy time is always good. Perhaps we take Asher to Menchies for yogurt. Why not put more sugar on my sugared veins?
P.S. Don’t send me muffins!!!!
xo,
Jessie