I’ve been to the Breast Center three times this week. Nothing is wrong, just check ups and scheduling issues. My mom and I were there so often this week, that the valet started clapping when we pulled in and I’m not kidding. When we left I told them we’d see them next week. They smiled. Mom’s a good tipper apparently.
It’s been an eventful and emotional week and it’s only thursday. Reentry into the world isn’t easy after going through this shit for 5 months. To be honest with you, I think it truly hit this week what the last 5 months of my life have been like. I have been in overdrive and go go go, but now that I am over my biggest hurdle (surgery), I am now looking down saying “What the Actual Fuck?” I feel like I’ve climbed Mt. Everest, come back down and am now looking up thinking wow look what just happened in my life. A lot, to say the least!
We are awaiting word from my oncologist regarding my pathology, and hopefully I will hear back from her very soon. I’m not sure how much longer I can actually wait to see if I must have the big R, meaning radiation.
I finally opened my doors for visitors yesterday. Thank you for everyone who has asked to come and see me. I wasn’t quite ready honestly to see anyone until yesterday. It’s still pretty weird to see people, but I can’t hide inside forever (as much as I’d like to) so I’m getting used to the new me. I had two more visitors, Amy and Amy today. Loved seeing them and was casual as ever. I didn’t feel pressured to act differently and it wasn’t weird answering questions. Sometimes things aren’t as they seem, and seeing people was certainly scarier in my head than I imagine. I did have extra special visitor this morning, Marissa. She’s doing great, I’m doing great and the rest is behind us. Our last Triple C member has her surgery in 3 weeks and then we are done! The club will live on forever in infamy.
It was so amazing to see her today though, I keep saying that unless you’ve been in our shoes you really don’t understand what this (cancer) is like. She knows that I thank G-d for bringing her into my life when I was a lost fish in a chemo pond. To compare notes, to compare actual scars, it doesn’t get better than that. Love her to pieces and that’s all I have to say about that.
I hope to have the results of my path to share with you by the weekend. It’s nail biting waiting for a phone call that might not happen today. The sooner I get the news, the sooner I can relax and plan the rest of my life.
Have a good night.
xo,
Jessie