I have a lot to be thankful for

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This year, over my previous 34 Thanksgivings, I have a lot to be thankful for.  I have always been grateful for my family, friends and health, but this year above all, I am putting my health first.  See how I put it last?

As we ALL know, I am a breast cancer survivor.  Do you have any clue  how amazing it is to say the word SURVIVOR?  I really didn’t realize the enormity of it until quite recently.  Every so often I forget and think shit, I still have cancer but I don’t and I pray nightly that I never have cancer again.  So as we go into the holiday season, I am thankful for so much including my family but am putting a little extra star over health.

I started thinking about being thankful earlier in the week, and what I wanted to say on Thanksgiving.  What came to mind was saying thank you to those around me, and properly giving them the acknowledgment that they rightly deserve.  In our society there is a lot of doing, and not enough thanking.  I think that at times I am so guilty of that and am trying to be cognizant of my mistakes especially with my NEW self.  Maybe I haven’t said thank you enough, but please know that I am appreciative of your love and support over the past 6 months.

What I have learned over these months, is that people are good.  People are really fucking good.  I have been a cynic, hell I still am at times, but there are good people in this world.  They happen to be in MY world.  Before my cancer or “BC,” I was worried at times that I didn’t have a friend in the world that cared about me.  I am so fortunate and thankful to be proven wrong and made friends with people who I never would have expected.  These people have outdone themselves whether it was delivering me food or cupcakes, offering to get the kids to school or play dates.  Bringing Zack and myself ice cream or sending flowers.  These people are GOOD.  We had the extra poundage to prove it.

Another thing I learned is that friendships can be fleeting.  There have been people who showed up, and they left.  Mostly people stayed in our lives.  That is what I am thankful for.  The good, the good hearted souls that we are surrounded with.  People that care for me and my family POST cancer, people that ask how we are on a daily basis, how Asher was after his surgery.  Those are the people that we want to be with.  Friendships that I have formed aren’t fleeting, they are staying and I hope are golden for a very long time.  There will always be a place in my heart for my girls in the Triple C club.  You know who you are, and the new members who we are sadly inducting.

Aside from friendships, I am obviously thankful for a clean bill of health.  Not just for me, but for my children and husband.  We made Blue Shield our bitch this year with all of our medical costs, but we are fortunate to be on the other side now.  Between Asher’s eye and my boobs, we did good!

Zack, what can I say about him.  My partner in crime, my soul mate, my landscape architect.  He was beside me each and every chemo, nursing me back to health.  He made our backyard beautiful with his planting.  Now we see the fruits of his labor as everything has grown in and blossomed.  We might remember them as a memory of a dark place, but out of the dark came the light and we are now literally eating our fruits of his labor.  I can never explain my gratitude enough, but it is there.

Finally I am thankful for my mom, dad and sister.  Without those three over the last 6 months, I am not sure what we would have done.  They took the kids when I was sick from chemo, Jana played airplane and did art projects, there were trips to the zoo and aquarium.  What a summer those kids had!  My mother is my rock, she has gone with me to almost every single appointment from the start.  She stares at my boobs to make sure Dr. Slate makes them even.  She reminds me to get my medical card.  I forgot again mom.  I really don’t know how she does it to be honest, the woman needs a vacation!

So as we go into Thanksgiving, and my favorite holiday season I am smiling from ear to ear.  I am thankful.  Just thankful.

Eat, Drink and be Merry my friends.  From my family to yours, I wish you the happiest of Thanksgivings.




First of the next 5 years

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Hello friends, long time no talk!  It’s not such a bad thing for me to be quiet, right?  Things have been going along like normal, getting back to my day to day life.  It has been so nice to not feel sick, be in pain or anything to complain about.  Although if you ask Zack, he will say that I complain about A LOT.  I probably complained LESS when I had cancer than I do now.  Speaking of which, my toe is numb.  Anyway..

Yesterday was a monumental occasion.  I had to take my first Tamoxifen pill.  That is the anti-estrogen pill that will keep the cancer from coming back.  I have to be on this pill for at least 5 years, go me.  It was pretty scary to take it for the first time.  First, it was another realization that I had cancer, HAD cancer.  Second, it reminded me that I have to do this for a really long time.  Third, I was and still am scared of the side effects.  There is a long list, but as my friend said it can’t get worse than chemo!

So last night I took my pill and headed off to bed.  I was told to take it at night so if you get dizzy or nauseated you will be sleeping.  I fell right asleep and woke up feeling ok.  Let’s hope for the best, right?  If not we deal with side effects and take them as they come.

Lastly, we had our final checkup for Asher’s eye post surgery.  We had to put a patch over his good eye for a week to bring his left to center completely.  Well, it worked!  We received the all clear today that the surgery was a true success and there is a 90-95% that this will hold!  We needed some good news around here and we finally got some!  Well that and my eyebrows grew back, but this isn’t about me.  It is all about Ash!  I am so proud of him and happy that this is finally behind him.  Ahh, relief!

Otherwise things are good, I scheduled my next surgery for January 6th, it will be here before we know it!  Time to enjoy the holidays, family, friends and be fortunate for good health.



Sooooooo close

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Well hi, I’m back.  As you know I am getting back to myself and my regular programming called life.  This Wednesday marks 6 weeks post surgery, but of course I have cheated and started lifting things such as my kids.  I just couldn’t wait any longer!!!

I couldn’t take it any longer, I needed to lift Dylan!  Damn that kid got heavy in 6 weeks, no not really but he definitely got bigger!  I missed snuggling that little face and squishing those cheeks.  He missed it too.  Asher and I caught up on some snuggle sessions too, can’t leave big boy out of anything right?

It has been so nice to get back to helping with the kids, minus the early as fuck wakeup this weekend with Daylight Savings.  I decided that the coffee chains are in cahoots with the DST idiots so they all make money off of the exhausted parents.  Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?  I have really enjoyed just sitting on the floor and playing, dressing and even changing Dylan’s diapers.  I basically missed out on 6 months of my kids lives this summer, so I feel like I want to play catchup.  Zack has been on morning duty for 6 weeks, and I am pretty sure he’s exhausted as well.  Funny enough, I have been most excited for dinner time.  This is a time most parents dread, but the fact that I can be present and actually FIGHT with my kids to eat is a big deal.  A few months ago it wasn’t even a question.  Now its a must.  Mama is back, much to their dismay.

Otherwise, I had my second fill last week and I am happy to report that it didn’t hurt too much.  The worst part is the next day when I can’t really sleep on my sides.  I think I will have three more and then be a perfect size.

My last piece of info is that I decided to join Beauty Counter as a sales rep. I have no idea what the fuck I am doing, but figure a few extra bucks in my pocket can’t hurt.  I started using their products when my friend who was going through cancer also suggested it.  I have really enjoyed their products, especially because they have a policy to not use banned ingredients (this isn’t a sales pitch FYI).  So we will see where this leads me!  Fun times ahead!

Good to share some news with you all!




Two months ago

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Today marks 2 months since I had my last chemo.  In a strange way, it feels like ages ago.  In a strange way it feels like it was seconds ago.  I still have leg aches from my Herceptin, my hair is still quite thin and falling out, but my taste is back and hey I’m down 15 lbs.  Cancer, the best diet you never want to be on.

I still can’t even wrap my head around the fact that I HAD CANCER.  Cancer, isn’t that something that old people get?  People 35 and younger should never get cancer.  Sadly that isn’t true anymore. In the last week alone, I have heard about 5 more women diagnosed.  While trick or treating last night, I heard about another one.  I also heard about another potential with a questionable mammogram.  This shit is fucked I tell you.  Fucked.

Speaking of trick or treating, we had a great time.  We had three costumes between two kids, even I dared to rip some hair out and wore a Statue of Liberty crown.  Asher was Chase the Rescuebot obviously, and Dylan was the cutest damn Winnie the Pooh there ever was.  Sadly he hated it and left the house as a boring Batman.  At least I have pictures.  Asher is now old enough to really enjoy the holiday, and tell us when he has had enough!  I was exhausted by 7:30.

Anyway, two months have passed and I am feeling pretty good to be honest.  Someone asked me last night how I was doing, and I had to take a second to remember WHY she was asking.  Duh, my surgery.  Tomorrow marks 5 weeks since my double mastectomy and one more until I can carry the kids again!  If I am having to remember why people ask, I guess my healing is going in the right direction.  Today I even felt like a normal mom, going to school assembly, doing a ton of errands and taking the kids to the doctor.  They’ll love me for that.

Tomorrow I get my expanders filled yet again, I am on my way folks!  I hope this one doesn’t hurt, because last time it really wasn’t terrible.  Here’s to hoping.

And remember, don’t eat too much of your kids Halloween candy, it’s not nice.  Share with your friends, not theirs.