Month: January 2017

This has been a really great week for me, I finally got a proper haircut and had my hair colored for the first time in over a year.  Yes, I am vain.  Yes my hair is really important to me.  But I am back to me.  I feel happy again.

Throughout this entire fucked up experience of my life, I realized that my hair is a protective shield for me.  It makes me feel whole and normal.  It makes me feel good and pretty.  Everyone wants to feel pretty.  I will forever be fortunate to Zack and my parents for the Cold Caps, and Gavin my Cold Capper.  Without that “shield,” I don’t think that my chemotherapy treatments would have been somewhat easier not that they were easy in any way.  My hair made me feel like I could face the world day in and day out, and allow me to not be super depressed like I wanted to be.  To be able to go on with my daily life and not look super cancery was a really big deal.

For some reason as soon as I saw myself in the mirror in my car yesterday after I left the salon, I started to cry.  I cried happy tears but a massive wave of emotion washed over me.  I had a moment of clarity- which comes and goes as a cancer survivor- that I really had cancer.  I wasn’t me for the 10 months or so of my life.  I was a person in an alternate reality battling a horrible bad guy, well billions of bad guy cells.  It was an insane feeling that is still with me this morning.  But I beat it.  I am here.  As my hairdresser said yesterday, I’m glad I didn’t die.  Not like that was EVER a choice.

I am a little emotional today, a little sentimental and solemn.  That’s ok.  As a survivor we are granted those moments of sadness.  I “rise up” and rise up a thousand times again.  I fight for me, my family and you.  I am here and not going anywhere.  It is my mission to make a difference now, with your help we can do it.

So ya, I am glad I didn’t die.  Now donate to my walk.  Same old Jessie, just better and more badass 🙂

xo,

Jessie

http://www.infokomen.org/site/TRfr_id=6762&pg=personal&px=2297615

 

I can officially say that I AM DONE WITH SURGERY!  Major surgery that is.  Friday was my final reconstruction, and I couldn’t be happier to be done.  What a long road this has been, and it is finally behind me and my family.

The surgery was Friday am and I was home by 2pm.  I have had zero pain, and have only taken two Tylenol.  I guess because I have no nerves or feeling anymore and the fact that my skin was already “broken in” contributes to the pain factor.  Basically it was just a swap out and some new implants put in.  It’s a little weird to talk about my boobs and boob job but why get all weird now?  We all knew the end game, and we are finally there.

Now I focus on finishing my treatment and recovering.  Time to relax and enjoy what life has to offer me and those around me.  It is going to be a great 2017!

Lastly, I am going to harass you by any means that I can to donate to my team for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure.  Please consider joining our “Cupcakes and Chemo” team or donating a few bucks.  I already received an email saying that we are one of the highest earners so far!  Let’s see how much we can really raise before March 11!

https://secure.info-komen.org/site/Donation2?idb=1290556150&df_id=19372&FR_ID=6762&mfc_pref=T&PROXY_ID=22976195&PROXY_TYPE=20&19372.donation=form1

xo,

Jessie

Well hi there strangers.  It has been a long time since I have written, right before Thanksgiving I think.  Much has happened in the interim, mostly boring but no news is good news, right?

We had lovely holidays, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and New Years.  We all survived with no major arguments or tantrums, except for me.  Asher was quite well behaved given he was off of school for three weeks.

Zack took us and my sister to Cabo for a few days before Christmas, and it was glorious.  I was super anxious about going, and ultimately it was a great time.  We had a blast with my sister and the kids are obsessed with Auntie, you couldn’t ask for a more perfect time.  Zack and I certainly needed that little getaway, even if it was with the kids and Dylan woke up at 5:30 every day.  The best part was seeing people look at our dynamic and decide if we were Sister Wives or who was married to Zack.  That was a fun game to play.  Sick, yet totally fun.

New Years was awesome, especially because my parents watched the kids. We didn’t have to find a sitter this year!  Cancer gives you a pass and makes your parents do that kind of thing.  I totally agree.  Wonder what we have to do next year for them to do it again?

Now that we are back to the grind, things are obviously slowing down and getting back to a routine.  Things will be out of a routine for me for a while as I go in for my exchange on Friday.  Meaning I get my expanders out and my permanent implants placed.  Thank god, because these suckers are really starting to annoy me!  I am not nervous about the surgery, mostly that the size will be ok!  This is a permanent thing and I want to make sure that I am totally happy with them!  It will be six weeks of no lifting, which is so restricting and hard with the kids.  It is what it is and then I will be free and clear from then on!

Lastly, I wanted to share the news that I started a team for the Susan G. Komen walk on March 11.  The walk will be at Dodger Stadium and if you are in the LA area, I would love for you to join our team.  We are racing under the “Cupcakes and Chemo” team name, and are even going to have shirts made for everyone participating!  If you can’t walk, please consider a donation.  I am very cautious about my causes, and know that SGK is a valid resource doing all they can to find a cure for Breast Cancer.

Here is a link to sign up or donate.

https://secure.info-komen.org/site/Donation2?idb=1290556150&df_id=19372&FR_ID=6762&mfc_pref=T&PROXY_ID=22976195&PROXY_TYPE=20&19372.donation=form1

I wish you and yours a happy and HEALTHY new year.  Only the best in 2017!  Here’s a pic of me on our official FUCK cancer trip to Cabo!

xo,

Jessie