Blech

I woke up this morning feeling so sick, I had to cancel my breakfast plans.  I hate to cancel plans, and especially hate when I have been trying to see people for so long!  Goddamn cancer is seriously getting in the way of my social life.  Ugh, we had to reschedule for after my next infusion.

My next infusion is creeping up on me, big #4. For some reason I am getting nervous, but I always seem to a few days before.  I am trying to relax and enjoy the next few days because I really have nothing to be nervous about.  I know exactly what to expect and when to expect it.  I’m an expert on chemo at this point.  Sad, isn’t it?  Who would have ever thought that I would be an expert on chemotherapy and it’s side effects.

Speaking of side effects, one of the most fucked up ones is the healing process.  To say that is an understatement really.  Everything takes so much longer to heal when these toxic drugs are pulsing through your veins.  Not to be gross, but my port still hasn’t healed from May.  I already had to take antibiotics for it a month ago, and I think I might need another round.  My two other friends had their ports heal within a week, me on the other hand still has a scab on mine.  It is frustrating and making me think my arm will be amputated.  Looking back, maybe I should have waited the full 10 days to take my bandage off and not be a wise ass at 9.

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but everything has a side effect with chemo.  I can’t say that I am over it, because that means that I’ve given up.  I haven’t don’t worry.  I can’t give up my fight because you all NEED me!  I just heard from another friend today that she had a breast exam because of me.  Do you know how good that makes me feel to know people are getting checked?   My mission of good has worked!  I am proud to be making a difference, shitty that I have to go through this to make one, but happy I can.  Once my shitshow is over, I do plan on making a change in some way or another.  Whether it is a foundation or joining a committee, this is my calling and I will see it through.

We have a nice weekend planned, not sure if we will have time for Bed Bath and Beyond but we will see.  Tomorrow is a doubly good day, it is hair washing day and date night!  Who hoo!  Cancer ain’t keeping this broad inside all weekend.  Have a good one people.

xo,
Jessie