Step by step

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Happy Monday, all.  It was a nice weekend for all and a slow reintegration back into the world for me.  This is definitely not an easy time, but slowly it will all become normal again.

We made our way to the pumpkin patch, you know the one by the new Ralph’s.  Fantastic pumpkins, great backdrop, nothing to do there.  Perfect 30 minute activity and no crowds.  We also went out to brunch as a family, the first in a long time.  I certainly didn’t miss arguing over a kid eating or the mess on the floor.  Could have done without that.

I’m pretty self-conscious about my looks these days, so I don’t really want to leave the house.  That definitely isn’t an option so I just have to deal with it and move on.  Easier said than done, but step by step and day by day it will get easier.  I just have to make sure to put my brows on and part my hair correctly to feel positive about myself.  Just don’t catch me on a sunny day or you might see your reflection.

I made it through the most turbulent time of my life, but in reality this is the biggest hurdle to jump over.  The bridge of having cancer and being cured.  The realization that my hair might be thin but I am alive.  Which would you take?  It is all a process, a psychological process that I need to work through.  I just survived cancer for fuck sake, I don’t expect to be in tip-top mental shape right off the bat.

Anyway, it was good to get back to the routine today.  I think doing normal things will help me readjust to life.  Even though I can’t do much, just watching the kids interact is helping me feel better and get through the days.  When they are screaming and little assholes, well that’s when I call the nanny and turn on HGTV.  I think I have now memorized the lineup and have redone my entire house in my head.  Definitely a farm sink, definitely.

Hope you had a nice weekend and Monday isn’t too terrible for you!



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