It’s been 44 days

It has been 44 days since my world was turned upside down.  44.  That’s not that long.  In that time, I have had 3 mammograms, 1 needle biopsy, 1 breast MRI, 1 Brain MRI, 1 PET Scan, 1 port placement and 2 chemotherapy infusions.  That is a lot in 44 days.  44 days.

I just looked over my calendar from the time I went to see my OB until today.  A lot has transpired over this short amount of time, relating to me and my family.  Isn’t it crazy what can happen at the drop of a hat?

I’m not sleeping much at night, for some reason or another.  Perhaps its the cancer? Last night I was up (through a Benadryl mind you) and had a lot of time to think.  Honestly there isn’t much else to do at 3am when everyone is sleeping around you and its pitch black.

45 Days ago, I was carefree and slightly nervous but happy.  Not a care in the world except for Zack and the kids. Looking back at the months on my calendar here’s what I had going on: laser appointments, going to the gym, carpet cleaning, a dentist appointment and a trip to Vegas.  I thought I was so busy and didn’t have time to do anything.  Talk about taking everything for granted.  What would I do to go back and have to wait at home for the carpet people to show up, or the IT guy to come.  Nowadays I am waiting for my medicine to kick in and be ok to take Asher to school.

I know I am rambling, but the point of this post is to not wait, don’t dawdle in life.  Do something, Be someone, Enjoy yourself.  Make the most of your days because you don’t know what will come around the bend.  I don’t want you to think I am a worry wart or freak you out that it could be you next, but I want you to go out and LIVE.  I cannot wait to be me again.  I want to put my hair in a ponytail again, I want to just live normally.  I know I will never be totally normal again but that’s ok as we know.   I will be a newer me with a true zest for life.  Maybe I will actually go sky diving.  Ok not really, but I will live, love and be.  I will be me.

xo,

Jessie