Well hello again

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Good afternoon?  Good evening?  Good September?  I’ll be straight with you, I have no fucking idea what day or time it is.  The good thing is that I haven’t found myself on my bathroom floor….yet.  Compared to Chemo 5, this is a much harder recovery.  I’m not quite sure why, but I knew someone was going to get me in the end.  Why let me off without any fun, right?

The kids went to my parents house yesterday, and they had an excursion up to Oxanard as Asher calls it.  Thank god for my parents, without them these kids wouldn’t see outside the walls of Longridge this summer.  Well, we thank god for them anyway because without their help and my sister’s this summer, Zack would be stuck doing this all alone and I would try to be serious superwoman.  Chemo + Superpowers = bullshit.

Anyway, I finally have the will to write a bit and get all sappy.  This is the depression part of my recovery.  Like clockwork, I get very depressed on Sunday after chemo.  I haven’t been able to sleep much this weekend, so I have just been thinking about my life, summer and the past few months.

This whole ordeal began In the beginning of May, and I found myself sitting in an infusion chair by May 19.  I spent basically every holiday weekend this summer recuperating and getting back on my feet.  As Zack said jokingly, couldn’t we plan better?  No shit, I agree.  I surely missed out on my fair share of good burgers.

As we sit here on the last Sunday of summer, I really can’t help but reflect about all that has gone on over the past few months.  Bear with me as I go down the list: Diagnosed at the age of 35 with breast cancer, numerous tests to make sure it is not spreading, port placements, port removals, 4 chemo through a port, 2 chemo through a vein, my baby turned 1, we had a birthday party, Dylan started walking and I graduated from chemo.  That is a lot to do in 18 short weeks.

18 weeks, that’s all that this was in the scope of life.  These last 18 weeks will last with me through the end of time.  They will stick with me and my family for the rest of my life as a reminder of what I, no WE can handle together.  I have never felt such love for family and friends in my life.  People from all over have come to make sure that I am ok.  Sent things, we have a lot of cornbread and its fabulous.  We have flowers, we have gifts for the kids, we have support.  Just knowing that people care is all we need.  We love each and every one of you and appreciate you.

So as I go back into my hovel of recovery, I just popped up to say hi and that we know you’re there.  Love to everyone, and onto the next chapter that begins September 28.

xo,
Jessie

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