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Holy shit it’s really hot today, but I am sure you are well aware of that.  Seriously, can someone turn down this heat a little because I am SCHVITZING.  I never thought I would want this, but I am begging for a Cold Cap! I wish I could just call up Gavin and be like “Hey, I am hot. Can you come over and freeze my head?” Being -32 sounds pretty awesome right about now.  You know you want one too.

We had a pretty good weekend, and I am feeling much better from my chemo haze.  Now I am just suffering from head cold phlegm haze.  Father’s Day was fantastic on so many levels, and then some shitty ones.  My Father in Law visited us for the weekend which is always so fun, and extra special for Zack to celebrate the day with his dad.  I love watching those two together, its like frick and frack.

My parents, sister and grandma also came over yesterday and Zack manned the grill as he does so well.  Being 1000 degrees what a stupid day for me to choose to wash my hair, dummy.

Here’s where my shitty part came in.  After lunch everyone hopped into the pool.  Except me.  And Grandma, that would be weird.  Oh and my mom.  So not that weird.  But I got all sad that I couldn’t go in the water and get wet and play.  It was Dylan’s first time in our pool, so of course I was mad I missed that milestone.  I could have gone in and not gotten wet, but I was too sad and didn’t feel like struggling.  I can’t even really put my hair up in a pony tail, so it wasn’t worth it.  Sometimes I think it would have been easier to lose my hair, then I realize it wouldn’t have been better.  So I took a nap and had a pity party.  I woke up feeling better but still sad, probably just the lingering obviousness of the CANCER.

I saw my shrink this morning and I asked her a question.  I asked her if I am doing this cancer thing “right.” By right, I mean not breaking down or processing it daily.  Will I ever hit bottom? Will I ever really crack?  I mean I am OK with my diagnosis and know that I will be fine, so is it OK that I don’t cry?  Her response, yes. Simple isn’t it? Yes I am doing it right because I am worried I am not.  Confusing I know, but that’s life.

Stay cool, and don’t be all like uncool.


p.s. First comment who knows what that last line is from gets a cupcake from me.

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