What a mood

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To say that I am in a bad mood today is a serious understatement.  I have the cancer blues today and nothing is getting me out of it.  I look like shit, feel like shit (mentally) and just literally want to sleep the day away so it is tomorrow.

Things have just gone all wrong today and I guess it is nobody’s fault but my own or maybe not.  I don’t even know anymore.  I feel like I am fighting with anyone who comes into my view, including my kids and family.  I hate this cancer thing, I really, really do.  I don’t want it, I didn’t ask for it and I am really not ok with it anymore.  Not like I ever really was.

On the plus side, I am feeling better physically but the other side effects have kicked in.  I am officially a metallic mouth and food is the enemy.  I am once again playing my game with eating and you know how much I hate that.

But back to my point, I hate cancer.  I really hate it and what it does to people.  It doesn’t just affect the one suffering, because it affects everyone involved.  Whether it is the patient, the husband, children or friends.  Everyone is susceptible to some sort of cancer aspect whether they like it or not.  I said this morning, I didn’t want to get cancer.  I don’t think anyone really does.  I just wish people could see it from my perspective and understand how it does feel.  It’s a lonely, lonely place and I really hope that tomorrow is a better day.  It really can only go up from here I suppose.

xo,

Jessie

4 thoughts on “What a mood”

  1. Can’t imagine how hard this must be. Don’t feel guilty for being angry or sad, youre entitled and your loved ones will understand. Just take each minute each hour, each day at a time. You’ll get through this! Thinking of you often xo

  2. So sorry you’re having a bad day. If you want to crawl under the covers, DO!!!! I can only try and imagine what you are going through. As far as cancer affecting family, I’m here to tell you it does. Jim was your age when he went through chemo and then radiation to treat a rare disease akin to cancer. We had little kids at the time and, just like you, we were very fortunate to have lots of family and friends around that I relied on. We’re all here for you and love you lots. When I think of you I think of that smiley , dimply little girl – hang in there cutie!

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