The beauty of time is that it goes by, but the sad thing is that it goes by so fast. Today Dylan is 11 months old. I cannot even believe that he is this old already. I feel that the past few months have gone by in an instant, which is both awesome and shitty. Awesome because it means that I am almost done with chemo (ok halfway there), and shitty because I haven’t been able to really enjoy my babies for the past few months. I feel like I am almost a weekend parent who enjoys the kids for a few days and then I am gone.
I try to enjoy the days that I am ok to the fullest because I know soon I will be down for a week at a time. By the end of the days I am so exhausted from playing with them that I cannot wait to go to bed. It is a good thing that I can still get on the floor and play!
Soon this will come to a temporary end, when I have surgery. That is my latest worry, that I won’t be able to be the best mommy that I can be while I am recuperating. It is a long recovery, and one that won’t allow me to pick them up for close to two months. Two months! That is a really long time. Just today, Asher asked me to carry him inside from school. He hasn’t asked for that in a long time, because he is a big boy as he says. It dawned on me that in a few months time, I won’t be able to do that so I gladly obliged and carried him. Damn he is heavy now.
So as I enter my 4th chemo week, I go with a heavy and light heart. After Thursday I will be close to the finish line, but closer to surgery. It is bittersweet to say the least, but as I always do, I will prevail.