The day before

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Well tomorrow is the day, the day of the 4th infusion! So naturally I enjoyed myself and had a nice day.  Why not live it up before I am zonked for the next week, right?

Naturally I did some little things around the house and tidied up my paperwork, and then I met a friend for breakfast.  I love her, she is the kind of friend that no matter how much time passes it is still the same.  Friends like that are hard to find, but those friendships are cherished.  Plus she is super talented and creative, the reason why my house has matching furniture!

This afternoon Ash still wanted to go to the movies, so we went!  We met his friends there which was so cute.  He sat through the whole thing, I was so happy.  BTW, how fucking expensive are movies these days?  I was shocked.  Anyway, The Secret Life of Pets is adorable.  I suggest you take your kids or yourself to see it!  Plus it has a good soundtrack!

On the way home, he asked me if I was sick.  That made my heart jump a little bit.  Is he realizing that we do these activities because I am going in tomorrow?  I wonder if he is picking up things now that it has become a routine.  I immediately said no I am not sick, but then realized that I am.

There it is again, the word sick.  I still never realize that I am, because I am either still in denial (which I really think I am) or it just hasn’t hit me yet (another possibility).  As my friend said today, if you didn’t know I had cancer you would never suspect it.  I have my hair, I just look tired and worn down.  Basically I look like shit just no one wants to tell me, I get it.  It would really hurt my feelings, LOL!

So as I go into my last good night for a while, I realize that I am sick but not for long.  I have three more infusions that I will knock out and be done with this chemo part.  The little voice in the backseat of my car is my rock along with his little brother.  I do this for them, my strength comes from them.  I need to stay strong. I am and I will.  All good thoughts for tomorrow.  I hope I meet Rod, the fucking pole.



4 thoughts on “The day before”

  1. Jessie you are amazing. My hero. I love your blogs. Wish there was a pause button that would get you from infusion day to next Thursday without any side effects. Just go to sleep and be in stasis for a week….hummm! Love you.

  2. You are truly amazing! Your sense of humor with everyone around you yesterday, nurses,
    Gavin, and even Rod was just the best medicine. Only two left! Yay! Almost there!
    xo Suzi

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