Month: September 2016

Well shit, I made it to the end.  Lets just hope I really do and wake up tomorrow after surgery.  Morbid aren’t I? To be honest I am losing my shit with nerves, and have been trying to keep busy all day to not think about “it.”  It being the massive surgery that will be cutting open my breasts and scooping them out like a cantaloupe.  Graphic, love it.

But in all seriousness, tomorrow is a huge milestone for me and our family.  I have made it to what I hope to be the end of my treatment.  We won’t know until next week if radiation is needed, and I pray to GOD nightly that it isn’t.  That would be another 6 weeks of treatment and delay the rest of my surgeries for another 6 months.  I just hope and pray that tomorrow goes smoothly and there are no complications.  And that I don’t yell at my mother while she’s in the hospital with me.  Love you mommy.

Today I ran a bunch of errands after I saw my therapist.  A girl can’t go into major surgery with a janky looking pedicure, right?  Then I took my boobs to lunch, they wanted dessert but I said no.  We had some quality time at Tender Greens, just talking about the good old days.  I had some weird stares, but I’m used to that now.

For the rest of the day I am going to try to relax and enjoy the day.  I am not going to dwell on the fact that my life forever changes tomorrow, because in fact it forever changed on May 3rd.  I get a new set of boobs, ones that I have always wanted minus the cancer and expander part.  I want to squeeze my two little minions as much as possible, give them baths and say goodnight to them.  The hardest part of my day will be telling Asher that the doctor is finally fixing mommy’s boo boo.

Again I thank you all for following along on my journey.  This is not the end of Cupcakes and Chemo, but I will probably take a break for a few days after surgery. Feel free to text, email, carrier pigeon or Facebook message me to check in.  Visitors are welcome, as are CUPCAKES.

Love to you all, yes even you.

xo,

Jessie

Well, surgery is this week on Wednesday. I can’t believe that it is finally here. I mean i can but can’t at the same time. What a whirlwind these past few months have been!  The summer of shit 2016, that’s what we call it around these parts!

I went to my first, ok 7th Herceptin infusion all by myself today!  I am a big girl now!  It was pretty fast, I was in and out in a little over an hour.  While getting ready this morning, I had to ask Zack if it was cold in the infusion center.  I’ve only ever been there with a cold cap, so I really had no idea if it was cold!  I brought a sweatshirt.  Also, I have 10 more Herceptin infusions to go, there are a total of 17.

It was pretty quiet in the infusion center today, so I had my choice of chairs.  I chose to sit in the private room, I got all fancy and shit today.  Anyway, my blood counts are back up and high enough to have surgery on Wednesday.  If my white counts weren’t high enough, then no surgery for me.  Now I just have to worry about this ear problem and pray that I’m not getting a cold before then.  Musinex to the rescue.

In other news, I am so glad that I went with Penguin Cold Caps for my treatment.  I heard horror stories about women using the new caps (I won’t say the company name to badmouth them) and their hair was literally falling out in the infusion center and they were basically BALD on the tops of their heads.  That would A. freak me out and B. piss me off that I spent so much money to only wind up losing my hair. I have no idea how that got the FDA approval and Penguin isn’t.  I have my hair to prove it!  They really need to go for the approval.

Lastly I met up with my friend who had her surgery two weeks ago after my infusion.  She gave me a robe that she used for her drains, and I will pass it along to our other friend once she’s had hers in a month.  It’s like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, except for Cancer and the drains.  I crack myself up I swear.

With that I wish you a wonderful weekend.  Zack and I get to get rid of the kids for a day for some peace and quiet before surgery.  YAY!  Love them I do, but crazy they are.  Eat, Drink and be Merry folks.

xo,

Jessie

That pretty much sums up my day.  I had my two big appointments with my breast surgeon and reconstruction surgeon today.  I love them both, and mom and I were pretty pleased that they saw us early.  Otherwise we would have had to bum around Beverly Hills for two hours.  Shit that meant no Neiman’s today.

My reconstruction doctor was more in-depth with his information, as he is the one that I’ll be seeing much more of in the next year or so.  My breast surgeon gave us the run down of what to expect regarding her part of the surgery, making me feel very calm and ready to go.

I am really happy with the team that I chose, to be honest I didn’t interview more than them but I’m ok with that.  They came very highly recommended by a fellow family friend who is a plastic surgeon.  I trust him whole heartedly.

Dr. S the reconstruction doctor, basically covered everything from this soap that I need to use the night before and day of surgery, what to expect from recovery, how flat chested I will be when I wake up (I won’t be), and how long it will be until the process is completed (pending radiation the second surgery won’t be until next summer).  There was so much more that we went over but I won’t bore you with that.  Lets just say that I feel comfortable, but sad that I can’t pick up Dylan for 6 weeks.  I also can’t use a big tote for a while, so I guess cute little handbags are in my future for a while.  Silver lining folks, silver lining.

He also put some preliminary marks on my chest to see what the scars will look like.  Not gonna lie, they will be bigger than expected.  I say I don’t mind now, but when I am over and done, will I change my mind?  Probably not because I will be ALIVE.  All in all it was a very good meeting, I don’t have a choice but feel ready to go.

Tomorrow I have my first infusion of Herceptin alone, and I get to drive myself there.  I have come so fucking far in 4.5 months that I can’t believe this day is here.  Chemo is done, and now just this one infusion for another 6 months or so.  I can do it!  It’s crazy how fast this has gone, now if only my eyebrows would grow back this fast I would be happier than a pig in shit.  I think I can use Latisse in a few weeks, thank God!

Lastly, thanks for all of the birthday wishes for Asher.  We all had a great time at California Adventure.  We ate our hearts out, went on rides and met a ton of characters- specifically Lightning McQueen his hero.  It was also a celebration of sorts for me, knowing that I did it (chemo) and was able to get through a day at a theme park without collapsing!  Having the disability pass certainly helped, so thanks for that Disney!

Until tomorrow.

xo,

Jessie

Well I had my first pre-op appointment today with my internist, it went well and I am cleared for takeoff.  Get it?  Take off as in my boobs. HAHA.  I even got a chuckle out of my doctor for that one.  Yes, cancer has made me even crazier.

I have my last two pre-op appointments on Thursday, and will be there literally all day long.  Tomorrow is a week from surgery, time needs to fly!  I am so anxious that it’s kind of ridiculous at this point.  Ativan is my friend, my very good friend when I sleep.

Tomorrow is Asher’s birthday, and we are doing something special with him.  Dylan will be with my mom so it’s just the 3 of us, making it even more special.  There aren’t many times these days that he gets special time alone with mommy and daddy.  I hope he has a great day, I can’t wait to see the day through his 4-year-old eyes.  I’m a little worried about my energy level, but the good thing is that there’s plenty of caffeine and benches if we need to rest.

I have been running myself ragged the last few days, and I think it caught up with me today.  I am pretty exhausted and my legs are aching.  I really hope that I’m not getting sick, because that would be a little risky for surgery next week.  So I will just keep saying it’s from the Herceptin and nothing more. That’s all it can be, right?

Have a great night, and I’ll report back after our adventure!

xo,
Jessie

What a weekend!  It wasn’t that we did a lot, it’s just that this was the first weekend in a long time that I felt ok to be out and about.  It has been over two weeks since my last chemo and slowly I am feeling back to normal.  The good news is that I never have to feel that way again!

We had a new nanny start yesterday, so far so good.  I think she will be a keeper, fingers crossed please! Zack even went out to dinner last night to celebrate my mom’s birthday.  It was so nice to feel like a human and go out for an adult dinner, with no children whining!

This week starts the beginning of surgery prep.  I have three pre-op appointments and a lot of other stuff to do.  I think that I will be at the doctor more than I will be home this week!

Anyway, that’s pretty much all I have to report for this weekend.  Sorry to be brief but it’s a good thing that I don’t have much to say!

Have a good week.

xo,

Jessie

It has been two weeks since my last chemo, and in another two weeks I will have surgery.  I can’t decide whether I would like to go forward or backward in time.  I think that I would like to get this shit over and done with, so let’s just fast forward to September 28th at around 5pm, mmkay?

Today the Triple C Club met, it was a good meeting of the girls both figuratively and literally.  Love all the boob talk.  One of us has had surgery, and I am so glad that she is over and done with now!  What a relief.  I’m next, then our last member has hers in October.  When we are all done, we are celebrating.  Hardcore.  Maybe the early bird special.

On another note, people always ask how I am doing, and I appreciate them asking.  I never get sick of people asking or asking specific questions either.  But what I am sick of is acting like I am ok.  I am not ok, and that is actually OK.  It is exhausting putting on a happy face, which I generally have, but I am tired of just brushing it off and saying that.  When people ask now, I respond with I am getting better every day.  That’s the truth, I am getting better daily.

I might be healing a little slower with cuts on my hand, or walk a little slower, but every day I get stronger.  Every day I get better.  Every day is another step in my recovery to the new Jessie.  I can’t say I am going to be a BETTER Jessie because I rather liked me as a person, but a new me.  So when you ask me, if you do (if you don’t that’s ok too, no guilt here) just know that I am OK even if I don’t respond with saying I am great.  Honestly what do you expect, I just had 6 rounds of chemo!

xo,

Jessie

I got myself all tootsed up for an appointment with my oncologist, I even put on makeup and a cute jacket.  My mom and I decided to take Dylan with us because we needed to do other stuff afterwards, so to Tower we went.

I go up and check in for my 11am appointment on September 13, and I apparently had no appointment.  Oops.  I schlepped my mother, baby, stroller and diaper bag to an appointment that was not there.  I guess I must have a serious case of chemo head, right?  I was a little confused why she would want to see me two weeks from my other appointment, but didn’t think to ask.  I have an appointment on October 13 so I guess I entered it wrong in my phone.  It wasn’t all for not though, I got to see Paige and Steph and they met Dylan.  I ended up seeing my doctor though, but it was in the elevator going down.

So instead we went to the mall to get some post surgery apparel.  Love me some oversized button downs that I will never want to wear again.  Thankfully H&M had some cute stuff today.  Dylan also really loved the cafe at Bloomingdales and hates tuna.

It wound up being a really busy day, so much so that I had to come home and take a serious nap.  Good thing the kids were occupied because I hit the pillow like it was lights out till morning.  Every day is a little better, and every day a little stronger.

xo,

Jessie

I can taste! My sense of taste kind of came back last night, and this morning I totally tasted my delicious Jasmine Dragon Shrek Euphajamima Doubtfire Green Tea from Coffee Bean!  I even tasted ever so slightly the blueberry muffin as well.  I think they are just gross that is why it sucked last week.  Anyway, WHOOO HOOO!  I just ate an orange, and it tasted pretty damn good as well.  I couldn’t handle another week of not eating, that got old.

Today has been a busy day, but a good one at that.  We decided to postpone a little procedure for Asher until the end of the year, with everything that’s going on it is just too much.  I decided that I need to be selfish for once and put myself ahead, and the doctor said it won’t make much  difference so in the end, better.  I hired a new nanny today, now I have to fire the old one which is never fun.  You could cut the tension with a knife around this house, not something we need right now.

I had a great lunch with a dear friend today whom I don’t get to see very often.  We have tried over the past few months, but you know- life.  It’s always great to catch up with people who you know care and check in.

Lastly, I am starting the post surgery shopping.  I know that there is a laundry list of items that I am going to need, so I am heading to Target this week to stock up and obviously for fun. From other friends who have had this procedure, even a new toothpaste is a necessity.  So I am off to buy some button down pjs, new toothpaste and more button down flannel print shirts than I owned in the early 90’s.  If you have any suggestions on things you think I might also need please let me know.  I am open and writing a list!

Hope your Monday is going great, it is Monday Night Football after all.  And remember, the Giants won yesterday so we are undefeated!

xo,

Jessie

That is how many days it has been since my diagnosis.  I tell you that, because I am finally close to feeling normal again.   We have gone over the amount of procedures and the number of chemo’s I have had so we don’t need to do that again, but it’s a shit ton.  All in 131 days.  One day I am going to a Guns N Roses show, the next I am on a biopsy table.

It goes to show you how fast time goes, and how fast things can change in a blink of an eye.  This weekend, 2 friends that I know walked in the AVON Breast Cancer walk, and one did so honoring me.  Thank you Jenn!  It was so touching to see her note and supporting me and the countless number of people affected by this stupid disease.  Stand Up To Cancer aired this weekend also, I said on my Facebook how crazy it was to be on the other side this year.  I cried like a little bitch during the opening scene, and we made donations.  My new sweatshirt should be here next week.

So I don’t really have much to say this weekend except how nice it was to spend together as a family unit, especially while I am feeling well again.  We have a new cancer in this house, it’s called football but at least it leaves in February. HA!  It was actually pretty cute to have Asher screaming all weekend that the Giants play the Cowboys this weekend and begging to watch the game already.  We have a young football fan on our hands.  Dylan, he just smiles.  The family dynamic really has changed with his walking abilities.  Crazy how in a day he can occupy himself with a drawer, empty it and walk away immediately.  Such skills these kids have. Oh, and I was able to finally eat a little today, that’s good!

Now we are on another countdown, for surgery.  In 17 days it’s my turn.  I am terrified but ready.  I just want to get those pathology results and be told NO RADIATION!  Whatever it is will be, but damn that would be nice.  Say a prayer, won’t you?

Tomorrow we go into another week, enjoy it.  Grab your pumpkin lattes by the balls and do what makes you happy.

xo,

Jessie